Loyalty With Girlfriends. What a Concept, Huh?

When I was reading Verily, I found an article by Emily Mitchell titled 4 Traits of a Loyal Friend We Could All Learn From. She said, “Loyalty is perhaps the most prized quality in any kind of relationship. Those who can claim this virtue are often blessed with better health and overall relationship satisfaction and happiness—professionally, personally, and romantically.  Even something as small as continuing to root for your hometown sports team when you make a big move is good for your psyche!” Also in this article are four attributes of a loyal friend.

Loyal friends are/have:  

  1. Honest
  2. Impartial
  3. Unconditional
  4. Boundaries (my favorite)

When I look at those four, I stop and really analyze each one of my girlfriendships®. They are all very different from one another. I’m thankful that I don’t have the same relationship with each of them, because their individuality is what makes our love for one another unique. 

What does loyalty mean to you in your girlfriendships? I think it’s imperative to consider each trait with each friend. 

Here are a few stories about some of my closest friends who best personify each of those loyalty characteristics.  

Honest Kelly

I’ve written about this jewel in a previous blog.

Kel doesn’t have much of a filter. So to say she is “honest” can be questionable. But as her friend of several years, I can attest that her honesty is pure and she has no ill intentions. (I didn’t always know that, so please read the blog to hear why.) 

She’s my girl who will tell me that the jeans I’m wearing look like crap, but then back it up with, “Lis, they would like crap on me too, they’re just not very attractive jeans. Find something else to wear because I don’t want to be seen with you looking like that!” And then we both would crack up. She’s “true blue.” Over the years I have really come to appreciate that with girlfriends.

Honesty is important in any relationship, but when you pick a friend who you want to spend as much time as you can with, well, you want to know that you’re not with someone who is just telling you what you want to hear. Thanks Kel! 

Impartial Paula (Wootie)

Now, here’s a “cute wootie” who grew up completely different than myself. 

She’s a Minnesotan, I’m a Californian. 

She was an excellent student in school. She tried hard to get good grades and was a cheerleader so she had to keep up a decent GPA. She did her homework, met deadlines, and passed tests...I did none of these.

I go to the edge of a cliff and laugh my butt off while I jump because I’m certain my wings will make me soar. She stands at the edge and analyzes the depth, then makes an educated guess to get better prepared and more equipped so that she won’t lose her balance and fall. 

I squeeze fresh fruits and vegetables for breakfast, she religiously eats a specific brand of peanut butter on a low-carb tortilla. 

We met each other by fate on the beautiful island of Oahu 4,000 miles from where we just happened to live only 15 minutes from each other. Like I said, fate! 

We talk all the time about how her mother would have never, ever allowed us to be friends. I listened to headbanger music at decibels that define my hearing today. Not that she didn’t listen to deafening music, I just couldn't have been her friend because her mom wouldn’t have allowed it. 

Despite all of our contrasting qualities, Wootie is incredibly impartial. She doesn't like the food I do, but she doesn't think that's awful. Neither do I. She can’t stand country music, but respects that I love it. 

She’s a very good friend and I feel she will always give me her fair opinion of whatever I ask of her. Thanks Woots!

Unconditional Geri 

I’ve written about this gem in another blog as well. Please read it if you have a chance.

She’s one of those deep-feeling, vocal Italians with a big personality. 

If we were in the same store, but didn’t know the other was there, she would be the one to yell my name across the room when she spotted me, not caring at all what people would think. 

She often acts on impulse because she has that passionate bug inside of her bones. 

When she cooks, she cooks for half the nation. During the pandemic, I guarantee that if she could’ve, she would've made meals for all the people who didn’t have anything to eat because they were too scared to go out to get food.

I have many friends who would come to my rescue at 3 am, but Geri would get the call, run out of her house naked with sleep crusted in her eyes, and drive like a bat out of hell to get to me as quick as she can...in a snow storm! 

Geri has alopecia and wears a wig most of the time, but I like her best without one. She has no judgement, and maybe part of that comes from the humility brought on from losing her hair. I don’t know. All I know is that she has always been there for me without any conditions for our friendship. Thank you Geri!

Has-Boundaries Loopie

Yep. Me. I’m gonna switch it up a little and talk about who I am as a friend rather than picking out another girlfriend. 

This is my favorite one out of all four of the traits. Why? Because I’m a Virgo. We Virgos like to have things very organized. Very black and white. We’re not all the same, but I happen to fit the typical description of one. I like those definitive lines that make things specific and (hopefully) understood. So, my life is full of boundaries. In the past five years I have created even more than before, just so I don’t get hurt. 

To Sum it Up

Of course I have a lot of examples of what I’m talking about, but I won’t go into specifics because I fear I may burn bridges with some of my friends. So generally speaking, I feel that I possess those four qualities of a loyal friend, but being cautious with my boundaries may not allow my girlfriends to fully see my efforts as they are intended. If I can’t take care of myself wholly, then I am unable to take care of my friends in the same way.  

It takes a tremendous amount of effort to be a lot of things with your girlfriends. Loyalty can be one of the more challenging ones to instill. I’ve tried to master each of those characteristics because to me, it means the world to have a loyal friend. 

Being successful at loyalty takes practice, intention, and being mindful, so if you don’t feel as loyal as you could be, give yourself some grace and keep at it. Your friends will be grateful that you did!

I love that you were with me today. See you next week!

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